She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
