On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
