she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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