dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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