woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
