she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My cat gives me a boner
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
