YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Girls should come with a carfax report
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
