i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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