Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
