yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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