So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
