I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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