Soap is not a condiment
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
