Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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