My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
