Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
