Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
