i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
