Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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