I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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