So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
