I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
