Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sober January is a disaster.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
