Umm I'm too high to move.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
