let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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