butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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