He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
