does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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