im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
