if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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