So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
