If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize