Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
