You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
