If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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