Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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