Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
