I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize