well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
