Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize