Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
