I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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