You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize