just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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