you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
