Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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