WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
