There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
