Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
