cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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