I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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