i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
