I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
