I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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