You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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