first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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