You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
