grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
