Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
