you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize