i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
