About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
