can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
