so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
