Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
