Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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